I would like to preface this description of my personal experience of the pandemic with a disclaimer: though I may have many complaints about how things have changed during the pandemic, I realize I am very privileged and fortunate to still be living a relatively ordinary life. For anyone who has suffered from economic hardship, illness, the loss of loved ones, or anything of the sort, please know my heart goes out to you and I’m very sorry for the obstacles you’ve had to face in this past year or so.
Though I still have a roof over my head, food in my refrigerator, and my family still with me — which I am very fortunate to be able to say — there have certainly been many unpredictable changes in my daily life due to the spread of the coronavirus. For months I was unable to go to work, and was lucky enough to qualify for unemployment. I was unable to see my best friend for months after we practically saw each other four times a week, minimum. Like most others, my classes shifted from in-person instruction to online classes. Things have been strange to say the least, but somehow, I’m managing (kinda maybe sort of?).
What exactly has helped me deal with this increased sense of isolation and loneliness that I’m sure a large portion of the global population is also feeling during these difficult times? For me, finding comfort in the things I have always loved is what has kept me barely mentally stable enough to function at the most basic level. I’m about to expose myself but things like anime and music have really been staples for me the past few months. Even though concerts and live shows have been put on hold until further notice, many of my favorite artists have released new albums since the beginning of the pandemic. I have been watching music videos and streaming title tracks nonstop, but this is a welcomed distraction of course. Anime is another coping mechanism that occupies an ungodly amount of my time. Not only have I been watching an impressive number of the new shows that were released for the fall of 2020, I have also been re-watching a few shows that I haven’t seen in years. Anime is the perfect vessel for escapism as it allows me to immerse myself in all these alternate universes filled with fantasy and fiction.
TikTok has been yet another contender for the thing I spend most of my time on. I could scroll through my for you page on that godforsaken app for hours. I swear, the creators of the TikTok algorithm might as well be the inventors of time travel since the app warps my sense of time so much anyway. For some unknown reason, I cannot get enough of the downright ridiculous comedy that permeates TikTok. Mix that with styling videos, K-Pop dances, anime references, cosplaying, and cooking videos and there you go — this is what entices me to lay around for hours on end mindlessly consuming content.
None of the coping mechanisms I’ve mentioned thus far are harmful — I mean sure, they aren’t necessarily productive, but if anything all they really do is waste my time. However, I have fallen victim to addiction. I will publicly admit it here first — I have an unhealthy shopping addiction. The insatiable desire to constantly own new things has spiraled out of control since coronavirus has kept me metaphorically trapped with nothing better to do than browse online stores. My room is now full of all the random things I’ve bought over the past year including anything from clothes to figurines to cookware to stuffed animals. I have always been bad at saving money, but I’m almost beginning to actually worry for my future. Carousel ads definitely don’t help, since they just keep showing me the things I want until I cave and purchase them. One good thing to come out of my shopping problem is that I have supported a variety of small businesses. I buy a lot of goods like pins and art prints from sites like Etsy or from independent merchants I find on Instagram, so it’s sort of reassuring knowing that my money is going to hard working individuals and not large corporations.
Last but not least, I would not still be here today without my best friend Kaitlin, or my mom. Since I still live at home (gotta save my money somehow), and since my mom has been working from home due to Covid, I have had the rather lovely opportunity to spend a significant amount of time with her over the past year that probably wouldn’t have been possible if the both of us had to physically go to work and school, respectively. Even though I didn’t physically see Kaitlin during the first few months of lockdown, we spent a lot of time on Zoom watching anime together. I also called her for hours each day (yes, I am clingy). Once both of our families deemed it safe, Kaitlin was able to come over often, and we would basically just hang out and do homework together. Life has certainly been difficult for me ever since Kaitlin and I began going to different schools, and this was only made worse by Covid. Kaitlin and I are very close, so having her around is practically a necessity at this point — I really would hate to live my life without her.
If I’m being totally honest, being a college student during a global pandemic has been quite possibly the worst experience of my life. I rate it a negative five billion out of ten, definitely would not recommend. I have never really enjoyed school. Sure, when I was in middle school or high school, I enjoyed seeing my friends every day. Academically I did fine, but I never enjoyed doing school work. I didn’t like it, but my work always got finished on time and I always received good marks, even though I spent a copious amount of time hanging with my peeps or participating in extracurricular activities. Somehow, I balanced all my schoolwork with my job, my clubs, and my [very uneventful and rather sad] social life. Now, with all my classes switching to an online format, I have lost all motivation. I cannot stay focused when I watch lectures, I have no desire to continue in my chosen major, and even though I felt lonely when I attended college in-person, I somehow feel even more lonely now. Even though I don’t have classes on the weekend, the workload from many of my core classes that were major requirements felt overwhelming. Eventually I gave up on many of my classes and myself. This semester has been the worst for me — both academically and mentally. I am currently in the process of switching my major because I figure that perhaps if I can find a subject I enjoy, then I will feel more motivated to learn about it and fully grasp the concepts that are taught to me. In middle and high school, I believe part of the reason I did so well is because I was able to form connections with my teachers and classmates. I do not have this luxury anymore. Not only do I get really anxious meeting new people, but the pandemic now prevents me from even meeting anyone new in the first place. I really hope that I can figure out how to stay motivated and manage my time better for the coming spring semester.
I wouldn’t say I learned anything new about myself or society through the pandemic, rather, I would say my preexisting beliefs have been reaffirmed by the things I’ve seen living in a pandemic. Seeing people protest wearing masks in public for the safety of themselves and others has reminded me that some people are always going to deny things that have been proven time and time again. Seeing companies use Covid and the pandemic in their advertisements strengthens the belief that the world truly does revolve around money. While corporations are still making a hefty profit off of ship-to-home goods and curbside pickup, small independent businesses are closing down left and right, and many people are losing their jobs and homes. Experiencing the pandemic during a presidential election reaffirmed that even in times where most people are struggling, polarization will prevent unity and instead promote hatred. Supporting the Black Lives Matter movement during the pandemic demonstrated that some will ignore a flawed system while others bravely fight for justice regardless of circumstances. Our poor world is really going through it right now, and while I know that it really do be that way sometimes, I’m hoping things improve really soon for everyone.
My future isn’t looking too bright right about now, but I’m hoping I can take some knowledge from this whole mess and apply it in ways that will help me succeed in living a fulfilling life. I’ve learned that making mistakes is okay as long as you continue to grow. Taking time for yourself is necessary and self-care should be something that everyone practices. Time is valuable and should not be wasted on things that bring you down — instead, do something you enjoy. Friends are one of life’s greatest assets and they should be treasured and cherished at all times. I plan to take these truths and implement them in my daily life, and maybe then I will start to prosper. I hope you all do the same, and I genuinely hope you all find what it is you love to do and you do it forever. Please stay safe, stay healthy, and hang in there.